I can’t take much more of this. I have been sick for over a month now. I haven’t gotten any better, I just keep getting worse. It’s hard to breathe, my chest and mid back hurts like hell, my nose keeps stuffing up then running. My head hurts, everything hurts.
I just started crying and I can’t stop. My doctor said I can’t leave the house so I’m going stir crazy. This is the longest I have ever been sick and it’s beyond old. I’m just completely miserable.
So update on being sick: had to go back to the emergency room on Sunday because my chest hurt so bad and I couldn’t breathe. The doctor ordered a chest xray and it showed that the pneumonia in my right lung has gone deeper and thickened.
He put me on a heavy duty cough syrup with pain killer in it, steroids and a heavier duty antibiotic.
I feel so horrible. I don’t think I have ever been this sick in my whole life. I feel like there is an elephant sitting on my chest and I can’t do a thing about it. And I miss my friends. But I don’t have much energy so even the simple act of being online via the Droid makes my head spin.
I can’t even go back to work until the new year, that depresses me. This certainly isn’t the feeling I was going for for the Christmas time.
I am wrapped up in bed, I keep alternating between hot and cold. I turned my ceiling fan on and that isn’t helping as much as I thought it would.
I suppose I just needed an outlet for my moodiness. I hope everyone is doing well. I hope to be better sooner rather than later.
Take care everyone :)
Why is being sick always worse at night? My chest hurts so bad. I feel as if I could burst out into tears. I freaking hate pneumonia.
I also have a 102.2 degree fever. I went to the doctor today and she put me on a ten day antibiotics course.
Of course I won’t be able to go to work, which sucks hard, but I am hoping ten days fly by fast and I start feeling better soon.
As for right now, I am freezing and burning up at the same time. I took a cold shower and now am trying to keep down some saltine crackers. My bed is my best friend right now. Have to try and just relax, even though the room feels like it’s spinning.
Damn you, weak immune system.
I think I know why I’m sick; I hate feelings. I really do. (not really) I’m just stuffing them down, nowhere for them to go, so back deep down inside they go into that little gilded box. Why does it have to be so damn hard? I think Paul Rudd said it best in 40 Year Old Virgin "Love is a mysterious fig." So, hell. At least it’s getting closer to Wednesday, and I can talk to someone impartial. I’m getting very, very tired of throwing up in the interim. And it seems like the Universe is just piling on little things, little tiny digs. Things that will remind me of him, and I’m like “Really? Did I need that? Thank you so very much! I care about you!! Do you care about me?” Anyway, I know I’ve been talking about this a lot, but again; MY DIARY. Haha. I’m just saying how I feel. And here comes the psychic iTunes. My god.
-Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep. This air is blessed, you share with me. This night is wild, so calm and dull. These hearts they race from self-control, your legs are smooth as they graze mine. We’re doing fine, We’re doing nothing at all. My hopes are so high that your kiss might
kill me, so wont you kill me? So I die happy? My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury. Or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer. The words are hushed, let’s not get busted. Just lay entwined here, undiscovered. Safe in here from all those stupid questions, "Hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb. Stay quiet, stay near. Stay close, they can’t hear. So we can get some. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so wont you kill me? So I die happy? My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury. Or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer. Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember. I’ll always remember the sound of the stereo, the dim of the soft lights. The scent of your hair, that you twirled in your fingers. And the time on the clock, when we realized it’s so late. And this walk that we shared together. And the streets were wet, and the gate was locked. So I jumped it, and I let you in. And you stood at your door, with your hands on my waist. And you kissed me, like you meant it. And I knew, that you meant it, that you meant it, that you meant it. That you meant it. And I knew, that you meant it, that you meant it.-
Christopher Carrabba, you sir, can write one amazing song. It may be seven years old. Man I remember pre-ordering this album (A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar) But It’s still a great album. *sigh* I suppose this is just part of the human condition. I don’t hate love, I really don’t. We’re just not speaking at the moment, haha. Shit. Okay, I have an early doctors appointment…740am!! Such an ungodly hour! Just a checkup, but it was all they had. Then I have to take my mom to her doctor’s appointment after mine, so here’s hoping I get some fucking sleep tonight. Please give me a break from my mind…please? I’ll give it a cookie!