I feel so low and blue. I feel like I haven’t got a friend in the world. I don’t think I am a bad person, yet bad shit keeps happening to me.
This is the biggest urge I have had to cut in months. I just want to cut and cut and cut until there is blood everywhere and my emotional pain is all gone.
I’d much rather feel the physical pain than this emotional torture. I just want it to go away. These are times where I start to believe there is no God. Because I beg and plead and pray for help and I don’t get it. I hate how alone I am. I feel like I am a burden on the few people who will talk to me, since some have quit talking to me altogether and I have no idea why…it’s a little reminiscent of being hurt by the person I was in love with in 2011. At least give me a reason not to talk to me instead of ignoring me completely. Whatever.
I probably shouldn’t have said any of this. I am just so unbelievably upset. I wish I had access to a razor blade, but since that’s not gonna happen I don’t know what I am going to do.