It's not who you were, it's who you are.

Dori. Twenty-something. Always something quirky to say. "If they're words from your heart you scream twice as loud." - Dave Grohl


You can find my Incubus blog here:
morningrenades.tumblr.com
Posts tagged "funny"

Earlier my brother was cursing at his phone and he was like “You piece of shit phone, you can suck my dick!” And my mom, bless her, without missing a beat says “I don’t think there’s an app for that.” I think I laughed so hard that I peed a little.

morningrenades:

paulahearsawho:

Mike’s “PEE OF STREAM” story. Enjoy. >:))

“What if everytime you went out with a girl…….”

Yes, I am bringing it back again. Totally NSFW but oh so hilarious.

auraofseattle:

Mom! They threw me in a trashcan at school today!

auraofseattle:

Mom! They threw me in a trashcan at school today!

(via grohly-bear)

you’re awesome:D

Why thank you! ;) I love you too!

I was in the car, running a whole bunch of errands today. Dropping my brother off at the airport, going to the bookstore, Costco, picking up dog food, etc. Just happily driving along, listening to music. I really fucking love driving, I don’t know why I do. It’s just always been relaxing to me. Anywhoodlydoodle, as I’m driving along, as if out of nowhere, this pops into my head; "Madam, I need you to remain calm. And trust me, I’m a professional. Beneath this pillow, lies the key to my release" I was all like BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I could not stop laughing for like five fucking minutes. Oh Robert, I love you endlessly. “Get that out of my face.” “It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.” “Get what’s in your hand out of my face." HAHAHAHAH! Oh my god. And I haven’t even seen the entire movie yet. Damn bedtimes at rehab! I really need to get on that shit! 

Holy Shit! I forgot all about this!! I used to watch this all the time, I actually think I have this downloaded somewhere. Oh man.

jamooo:

I love when Ben & Brandon sing about pants.

I had to take my mom to get a little surgical procedure done today really buttfuck early in the morning today. No biggie, she’s fine. But I brought along my computer, and I was just having a grand time, headphones in, listening to music, looking at shit on the computer. “A Night Without Cars” happened to come on. I always keep iTunes on shuffle. So, I fully believing, that I am lip syncing, start singing along. Out of the corner of my eye I see these two older oriental women smiling at me. I look over again. They are just staring at me intently and just fucking smiling goofily….oookaaayyy. I just shake my head and continue to listen and lip sync. I don’t know what made me stop and take my headphone out my ear. Apparently, one of the women were talking to me. “I’m sorry?” I said. “You have a beautiful voice!” She said “WHAT?!” I exclaimed “You have a beautiful singing voice.” she repeated. “That was out loud!” I said, burying my head in my hands, embarrassed. “Who sings that song?” she asked. “Oh, um Brandon Boyd, the lead singer of Incubus.” I said. “Oh, well I really like your voice.” she continued. “Well, thanks.” I said. God, only fucking me. I do shit like this all the time, I suppose it’s endearing hahahaha.